A Dialogue Between Sisters
by Morgana BraveRaven
How can she - my own sister? Geeze, you think you know a person! Jena muttered to herself as she read an email from her sister Alissa. Shaking her head in disbelief she raced through the message, reading so fast that the lines began to blur together: It’s a sin… It’s a crime... It’s a threat to tradition and the sanctity of marriage!
I really had no idea she was so… closed minded? Anal? Cruel and thoughtless? Wow. It’s actually shocking to make this kind of discovery about one’s own sister, she thought. A knot in the pit of her stomach began a slow squeeze. Jena looked at the framed picture of Alissa and Jon on their wedding day which sat on the mantle. Jena was not exactly a diligent housekeeper and the picture was coated in a thin film of dust. Jena drew two smiley faces in the dust, then wiped them away with her sleeve, feeling somewhat disheartened. In the photo Alissa and Jon were both smiling. Beaming, in fact. What a happy day it had been. June 24, 1995. The sun had shone all day, and it was warm, but not too hot. There had been 200 guests, which in Jena’s mind was a huge wedding. Friends and relatives had flown in from all over the continent, and honestly it was the most intimate, romantic wedding that Jena had ever been to.
Alissa and Jon had been married at Jon’s family home, in the garden. Jon’s mother was quite an enthusiastic gardener and the way the garden looked that day made you think that Ella, Jon’s mother, had put her entire life into that garden for just such an event. They had set up a little gazebo for the ceremony, and tents for the reception. The garden itself was huge, with paths and benches scattered over at least an acre of garden. There were flower petals everywhere and on every thing. A string quartette played all afternoon, a harpist played through dinner. Every time you turned around, someone was crying. A whole day of happy tears. Champagne, wine and tissues flowed non stop all day, and all night. It was a bit insane, emotionally, but what an incredible wedding it had been. Jena wiped the rest of the dust off the photograph, replaced it on the mantle, and then returned to her sister’s email. She found it sadly disturbing that Alissa would deny any pair of lovers the right to such an experience, should they desire it.
It’s a sin. It’s a crime. It’s a threat to tradition and the sanctity of marriage! Jena picked up the phone and dialed Alissa’s number. After three rings Alissa picked up. “What?” she said, her voice cold and sharp, obviously expecting her sister’s call.
“That was quite an email you sent. I had no idea you felt that way”, Jena responded.
“Jen, come on. I’m a Christian woman. How did you think I would feel? Besides, what does that have to do with us? Absolutely nothing. I swear to God Jen, you are really a heathen. You need to get you some religion girl. Besides, what does gay marriage have to do with what I was asking you? I merely asked for your support for Ethan Van Der Haggen because he has been nominated to run for the Conservatives as MP for the Cowichan area, and you go off on this whole tangent about not being able to support him because of his stance on the gay marriage issue. Geeze, Jen, you’ve known Ethan your whole life. He is a really solid guy and he would be a great voice for us here if he gets where he is trying to go, and I can’t believe that you won’t support him”.
“Whoa there little sister, how on earth can I support anyone who is strongly opposed to the issues I believe in? That’s crazy. I can’t do it. Oh, and by the by, there are plenty of good Christian women who do support gay marriage”.
“Oh, sting. Ya really got me there, Jen”.
“I’m not trying to get you, Alissa. I’m trying to understand”.
“Jen, marriage is between a man and a woman. Not a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. Man and woman - that’s tradition. And I don’t really hear anyone saying that same sex couples can’t have a life together – they just can’t get married. They would have a civil union which would entitle them the same rights as married couples, but would protect the rights of those officiating over the marriage ceremony should it be against their beliefs to perform a same sex union. So honestly I don’t know why you insist on going sideways on this”.
“Because it’s bull, Alissa. It’s absolute crap! Listen to yourself… tradition, threat, the rights of the officials? Give me a break; it’s not about the officials! It’s not about you and it’s not about me. Please tell me how a same sex marriage could possibly be a threat to anyone? No one is asking you to become involved in a same sex union. Same sex couples are simply asking for the same rights as hetro couples”.
“Ok, so they can have their civil union”.
“Al, you are so smug. Honestly, civil union? And what exactly is a civil union? Defined by any other term, it’s a friggin marriage!”
“Marriage is between a man and a woman. That’s tradition, and that’s how it’s defined in both the Bible the dictionary”.
“No, I think a more accurate definition would be that marriage is the union of two persons; a celebration of commitment and love. Besides, it really depends on which dictionary you consult. Definitions do vary. And as for the Bible, don’t get me going on that”.
“Jen, come on. We’re talking about cultural values and tradition!”
“Tradition? Values? If tradition and cultural values are your argument, then you can’t pick and choose the traditions and values to suit your needs. A hundred and fifty years ago women and children were chattels of their husbands. Women were not persons under the law – we couldn’t even vote! And how long ago was it that persons of African decent could only ride at the back of the bus and could not eat in the same cafes as white folk. Should we have stuck with those traditions also?”
“Come on, Jen, I don’t mean that. You know what I mean”.
“Actually, no. Unless you are a hypocrite, then no, I have no idea what you mean. How can anyone find a celebration of love and commitment a threat? I can certainly think of more imminent and pressing threats in the world today. Honestly, wouldn't it just be wonderful if everyone could find a stitch of love in this crazy world..? I seriously do not understand why anyone feels threatened by calling a gay union a "marriage". I mean seriously, Alissa, no matter what you call it, it is a marriage. Why is everyone so hung up on the term marriage? Do straight people think they own the term? There simply is no ownership of nouns. It's funny actually, if you think of it in other terms. Let's say that straight people can use the term "white" to describe the color white, but gay people have to use the phrase "a color lacking color" - they are both
describing the same thing – regardless of what you want to call it. For Christ’s sake, it’s the same damn thing!”
“Stop swearing Jena! I won’t talk to you if you insist on carrying on with your language. What does it matter to you anyway? Why are you so concerned about this? You’re not even gay!”
“I am concerned – no, not concerned, I am passionate about this issue, and I am passionate because the real issue is human rights - the rights of all people.
Alissa, are you heterosexual, a woman, or a person? Don’t answer that – you’re all three… but you are a person first – subcategory: woman, subcategory: hetro. We must be defined as persons first, and if we must categorize - then ok, we are gay or straight, bi, trans-gendered, male, female, Italian, India, Canadian, pink, white, fuzzy, or whatever we are. But seriously, a person’s sexual orientation should not affect their ability to legally marry or use the term marriage if they so choose. To deny a person the ability to marry based on their sexual orientation is absolute prejudice and hypocrisy”.
“Jen, you’re talking about a simple tradition”.
“Al, traditions change, so do values, and thank God they do. I’m just asking you what you are afraid of and why you do not think it is important to give all persons the same rights and privileges?”
“Like I said, Jen, they can have their Civil Union…”
“Honestly Alissa, I am speaking to you right now because to me you are a representative of those in our society who are opposed to same sex marriage. What are you so opposed to. How does same sex marriage affect you or threaten you? Is our crazy society going forward or backward? Let go of your discomfort. It’s time for some serious change if we are going to progress as a society. We need to move forward – not backward. There is no point forcing gays back into the closet”.
“I’m not trying to force gays into the closet, Jen. I do have some gay friends if you will recall”.
“You’re not being much of a friend to them now, Al, are you? I have gay friends too, and I can remember years ago going out to dinner on a double date with Chris and Denver. I was with James at the time, it was in the mid 80’s, and I remember how in love Chris and Den were, and how sad it was that they couldn’t reach across the table and hold hands like James and I. They couldn’t hold hands or walk arm in arm down the street like we did. The four of us spent the whole evening discussing how uncomfortable that must make them. It was really sad to me that they could not openly display their affection – but we have come a long way since then, and this gay marriage issue is not just sad, it’s appalling and offensive!”
“Oh, man, you’re out of control here…”
“Alissa, I am not out of control. We are talking about human rights! There are gay people in our society – there always have been. Your disapproval of their desire to marry doesn't change the fact that they want to and that they should be entitled to, any more than society's need to hoard the term marriage for the sake of tradition makes any kind of union, civil or otherwise, between gay persons anything less than a marriage! I ask you again Al, what on earth are you afraid of?”
“I’m ending this right here, Jena…”
“You said you felt threatened, well that implies that you are afraid. What are you afraid of???”
“Jena, you’re totally out of control and you won’t let me get a word in so there is no point discussing this with you any further”. With a click, Alissa removed herself from the conversation with her sister.
“Alissa??? Alissa! Don’t you dare hang up on me!”, Jena shouted into the receiver. “What are you afraid of…”,she said replacing the phone in its base, “what on earth are you afraid of…”
Jena sat down on her sofa and looked out the window. The sky had clouded over and the air had become heavy. It looks like rain, she thought to herself. Yep, I think it’s gonna rain today.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Janet Legere, Publisher/Editor
Sykaro Insights Since May 10, 2000
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